I have been off my game for about month not sure if it's the two year old and the sleeping issues, but I haven't been seeking God as earnestly as I use to be. I am afraid that I am in this lull luke warm place, not seeking just sitting still.
Why is it that I seem to peter out in everything I do, and then I figured it out... I had started to focus on myself and was getting caught up in my own needs for rest, relaxation and just vegging out. I was zoning into myself again. Something this Saturday started if off, and I realized that I was being selfish again. Here I am worried about my own doubts and needs from God, when he has called me to take who I am and be a Light to others struggling with the same fears and needs. I need only to trust in God the Trinity, the center of it all.
My balance has been off, everything seems like it has been crumbling down again, work is nuts, life is nuts, and my spiritual life in all this has just been NUMB. No wonder everything else is spinning around like some centrifugal choas where I just suddenly severed my rope attached to the center of my Life which is God. Like the theory of centrifugal force where the smaller object is spun around by a greater force that keeps it spinning and rotating in a controlled fashion. If that center should cease to exist it would be cast off into this endless spin into nothingness and imminent catastrophe. I need to get my spark back up and running, I need to attach myself back into his Word. I need some order in my life!
I have been thinking of Gifts from God! I am unsure as to when or what gifts I have, but in my discussions with other mentors there is this common thing that we are given gifts from the Holy spirit at our rebirth in Christ! How are suppose to know what these gifts are? I always thought we were given gifts/unique talents from birth designed by God to be used for his Glory. I can truly say that I have been reborn this year, I have been freed in Christ this year, but I am struggling, because I know in my heart I accepted Christ in my Heart at a young age, I truly wanted to be the Apostle John, Christs Beloved one! When can one tell he has been reborn in Christ! Is this why I am unsure as to the seperation of my talents I was born with, to the Gifts that were given to me by the Holy Spirit. I still struggle with this one, I don't feel any different than when I did at 9, there was no pop and the Holy spirit is with me sort of thing. I have this inkling that the Holy Spirit is always with us, but is not able to work through us until we have truly been reborn in Christ. How else are we lead to Salvation then by the power and wisdom of the Holy Spirit working in others.
I have an inkling of one my gifts and that is to see the goodness and talents in others.
The other gift I believe I have is the gift of empathy! I can seem to sense what others are feeling. I have always had that gift! I think what the Holy Spirit does is help us mature our God given gifts and guides us with wisdom and Grace to use them for God's Glory.
If anyone else has any insight on the Gifts of the Holy Spirit -vs- born talents please feel free to comment!
Here's my self portrait. Yeah I grabbed a picture from the web, give me a couple of weeks and I'll give you a real selft portrait : ) The things is since we are always moving, I don't think it will be the same in a week!!!!
