Sunday, February 14, 2010

Disconnected...

I am sitting here stumped wondering how did I get so lost and disconnected and so full of doubt.
My Faith is so bi-polar, full of highs and lows, and lately its mostly been in the dumps.

Why do I keep doing to this to myself...allowing myself to be consumed by myself?
So preoccupied about my own needs and wants. I lost track of what I was looking for a connection, a life line back to what I have been seeking. I had it once a few years ago and lost it. I let fear and complacency get the best of me yet again. I let the world swallow me up and I didn't give it much of a fight.

What am I supposed to do next, who should I seek...to help guide me back, Lord I can't do this on my own, and you know me best...the fear in me, the fear of believing wholly in something and then to find out I have been let down...a waste of energy with nothing to show.

Is it worth it, are you there? Teach me how to hear you, show me how to feel you. Help me be still O Lord so that I can feel your rain down on me! I long to feel your presence, and know that It is your presence that I am present to.

I love you Lord are there?